I've been loaded with school work for the past few days. I even forgot to greet my brother when I saw him the morning of his birthday. I was finishing a transcript the night before, and I slept almost 5am already. I didn't have enough sleep that time.. and apparently, until now.
I've been dealing with school work for about 4 years now, and its cumbersome. Why in the world did I take a 5-year course?
Thing is, at the end of the day, I feel tired, but at the same time I feel like there's so much more I could've done. I haven't been that productive and yet I feel like I've exhausted all my energy. Weird.
I know there's just more to life that this.
Ugh. On a thinking mode at 4 in the morning.
Love you! ♥
Why is it that when a guy does something that actually means a lot to the girl...
it's when he doesnt mean it at all?
He makes you feel something, just for the sake of making you feel good. And at the end of day, you'll just figure out it was all EMPTY.
Just nothing.. void of meaning.
I don't know what exactly to say here. Tsk.
Here's a quote from Grey's Anatomy (season 1). It pretty much sums up my thoughts.
I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I dont know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as far as rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define yourself.
Errr.. rules..
Eversince this year started, I've been dreading Valentines Day. The absence of anyone special to share it with while others take joy in spending the night with dates, gifts, and sweets has been the thought that has lingered in my head all this time. I entered the school campus and with every few steps I took I'd bump onto someone with a bouquet of flowers. Every so often, I'd see guys trying to find the girls they'd give their flowers to, and girls stamped with cheesy smiles while they hold on to roses and tulips. And once in a while, I'd also see girls rolling their eyes as they see those mushy people... and I soon find myself being one of them.
Bitter as it may seem, its not for me to celebrate. My friends would say today is actually Singles Awareness Day. But for me, it had been each passing day since God knows when. I have nothing to be aware of. I am pretty much reminded of my "singleness" as often as men think about sex. Haha, I just don't need this day. I know I will.. just not today.
I know I sound all pessimistic, but surprisingly, my day went well except for the parts where I was amidst all the cheesiness, and when I took a quiz in my law class. Nonetheless, I did good stuff today. And there were friends who gave me some lovin'. So today is like any ordinary day with a little love and surprises.
Looking on the bright side:
- I did a huge favor for a friend today. He badly needed his external hard drive which he left at home, it was for his project due today, so I drove up to his place to pick it up and bring it to school. He was truly grateful and it made me feel really good despite ofcourse the pressures of the day. He even texted me saying that it has been a happy day for him.. and added "thanks to you" :)
- When I got to school, the first person I saw was the guy I've
been ranting about for the past few months. The irony of having him
there on this very day. Sheesh. But, he gave me an unexpected hug...
and a few more. We haven't had any physical contact since December. So
I was surprised but happy. I used to go all dramatic and confused when
things went that way, but today was way more than okay. I've got rid of
the bitterness, but of course little crumbs got left behind. Hah. Well,
it didnt bother me anymore. I didnt care if he was going to spend the
night with another girl, I seriously thought I would. Moved on, I
guess. :) Yay for me!
-
Ina, a good friend of mine, got me and elaine cupcakes for Valentines! :) It was a sweet gesture. We just became closer these past few months and she's been very thoughtful since. She's the type of friend you ought to keep til you grow old. :) Love ya ins!
- When I got home, my dad got me a gift! Weeee! :) He got me 2 tops
from Folded and Hung, a local brand. I love the shirts! He got me a
black collared shirt with pink and green stripes and a V-neck pink
shirt. :) Its the first time he actually gave me a gift for the hearts
day. There is indeed a first time for everything. :P Needless to say, I
love my dad.♥
- Can I just add, that yesterday, I learned how to breakdance a bit. haha! ..the "uprock" and "babyfreeze" moves. It's pretty cool.. :) Some dancers came to our school to give lessons on basic breakdancing.. I watched them and I have to admit, it got me practicing afterwards.. :P
Though having no special person today is such a bummer, I'm proud to say I got out of it alive. I'm a survivor. No breakdowns, no tears, no nothing. Just me, friends, family and of course God. ♥ For now, they just keep me alive. I still wish that someone would come along.. hopefully, next year would be different...
But for tonight.. sad to say, I have to prepare my presentation for tomorrow. While others are out on their respective dates, I am here doing school work.
Loser.
But loved. ♥
I have a huge thing about recitations. I easily get intimidated and I have this tendecy of experiencing mental block. Today my law professor called me to recite in his class. He's the type who gives about 10 questions per student. He kept asking me questions I didnt know about. I answered some, but, as usual, people notice the wrongs instead of the stuff you get right. Tsss. So I practically flunked. I felt emebrassed just talking about bull infront of the class. Then I realized the stuff he asked me wasn't part of the handouts I read/reviewed. My photocopied copy of our text book was lacking ONE page... and it just had to be THAT freakin' page that had all the answers to his questions! Great day. =/
It's a good thing my morning was good. I had a dvd marathon with a good friend of mine.. (before my prof made my day). I went to his place and we just hung out for a few hours. His grandma makes the BEST food for the gods! hahaha.. I dont even like walnuts, but it was just THAT good. I ♥ it!
I have a conference to attend tomorrow morning... starts 8am... *yaaawn* time to rest...
What's the most famous movie you've never seen?
Submitted by Mike.
The Godfather. hehehe :)
We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. -Grey's Anatomy
I've been ranting about this guy in school for months already.
Hopefully, this is the last time I'm going to talk about him (at least
in this context). I think I've finally let myself let go of the
feeling. It's not the person I'm letting go of, it's just what I feel
for him. I am not entirely void of emotional attachments but as far as
I know and feel, I dont long to be with him anymore. This is, I guess,
the strongest I've been eversince the whole thing with him happened. I
dont mean this in a negative way, dont get me wrong. I was given so
many reasons not to get hung up on him, the he-doesn't-deserve-you
speeches and advices I got from my friends.. and though I listened to
them, a huge part of me didn't believe them even if I wanted to. I
guess we all do that. We "hope against all logic, all experience.".
Eventually, I got myself to believe they're right.. even if it had to
mean sitting close to him, my arms brushing up his shirt, having our
faces inches away.. and still keep me from wanting to be back the way
things were with him. I guess we just deny to ourselves too much that
we're just self inflicting pain. So its all about seeing what you want
to see and believing what you choose to believe. Now, everything's
pretty much stable. I've given up all the drama.. uhm, just most of it.
:) I'm okay..
so, YAY to me! :D
Anyway, "moving on".... (hehehehe!)
The ticket I designed in one of my previous entries was disapproved by a certain org in school despite our batch president's approval.. Our university does not allow events organized by the student council that involves liquor or alcohol. Since my design had a martini glass.. I was advised to change the entire layout. But the theme is actually mixing cocktails. Incidentally, I learned that this is an underground activity - the cocktail mixing part. So now I have to design a new ticket.. WITHOUT a THEME. How am I supposed to do that now? Err. They need it first thing in the morning.. what to do.. what to do.. what to do.. (?)
Earlier, I (literally) got a headache from the noise inside the internet cafe near my school. I was doing my internal analysis paper in a net cafe filled with "gamers" who actually shout, scream and curse while they play. It was too annoying! I put my headphones on and I played music (via youtube) and I could still hear them! Is it necessary to be that loud while playing the computer?? I don't want to offend anyone who plays computer games, but I just wanted a little consideration.. being a gentleman wouldn't hurt y'know. It's not even their own computers for crying out loud! Its a public place! Agh. It just really pissed me off. Stress and noise.. uh-uh, bad combination.
Oh, random thought... I have a lnot-so-little crush on my law professor. *chuckles*
I wasn't able to sleep well last night since I was doing my paper for my Business Policies (BUSIPOL) class. I'll probably make up for it tonight...
Out.
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY to my one and only guy bestfriend! ♥
My friendship with him has been rocky. Yet we remain the best of friends, I dont even know how or why. He finally found his girl, and somehow I share one of my greatest blessings with someone else. It feels sad sometimes, but I just think of how much we've grown over the past years.. and its about time. I'm happy for all the great things happening to him.. he deserves to be happy and content. ♥ I am just always here. i ♥ u besh!
I miss blogging. I haven't had the time.. my classes are in the evening. When I get home, I just go online and check my mail.. :( and I'm pretty much tired and sleepy.
Here are pictures from last weekend.. I hung out with my girl friends
at Serendra.. we had Cupcakes, strolled around, and put Sarene on a hot
seat :) Congrats to Matt and Saj! ♥♥♥
