- My brother just told us (my family) last Sunday that he's marrying his girl. She's actually pregnant, but contrary to what most people would think, he's not forced into marrying her because of the child. They've been together for more than 6 years I think. Its just about time. However, one of my parents' concerns is that they'd live here in our house after marriage. That would entail a full-blown change in our lifestyle. We'll have a kid running around.. more people.. I dont know. Our home's pretty much quiet in most days. The home theater's the only thing that makes most of the sounds. We just don't know what to expect.
- I'm finally done with my ad campaign. For my Broadcast Advertising class, we were tasked to make tv and radio ads for a particular school. I've spent three days finishing the storyboard on Adobe Photoshop. I havent had sleep. If you just look below my eyes, you can tell how many days I haven't slept like rings on the tree's trunk to tell how old the tree is. Haha. Tomorrow's the big day - the presentation. I hope it turns out okay. *cross fingers*
- Earlier today, a friend just confessed to me that he liked me.It surely caught me off guard. But that's as far as I can tell for now.
I got what I had expected. My feared moment came. Days before yesterday, I was hoping and praying that it wouldn't have to come to this.. but it was beyond my control. I tried so hard to be as civil as possible and I think I passed the test. But my friends sensed what was building up inside of me. I tried to put up a front, but my friends saw right through me. So they practically emulated the mixture of angst and hurt I was feeling deep inside. As I said in my last entry, I lost something and its because of a particular girl. Last night at a get-together, she just had to rain on my parade. I hate it that I can't seem to get myself to be mad at the person who brought her there... him.
I know it sounds peculiar that I keep talking about losing something. When in fact, all this is about a certain guy. To clear things, I know I didn't lose HIM (for as long as I still exist in his world, and he exists in mine). I lost, however, a possibility of something good. People would ask, "didn't you guys have a "thing" before?" Its that THING that matters, and I lost it. It could've been something more....................
I thought I was over this whole issue, then I realized that I just got so used to it. I said a month ago that I'd be okay.. my condition though was that "for as long as I'm not reminded of how he hurt me."
Not only was I reminded. I felt it once again.
I wonder how it feels like to face the person whom have caused your loss. You know that person was once threatened s/he'd lose over you, but maybe by some twist of fate or force of nature, s/he won and claimed the "prize". It didn't matter how or why, all that mattered was s/he had it in the end. And when time comes you'd have to face him/her.. that person would go on bragging what s/he got. And perhaps all you can do is sulk over the fact that once it was almost yours...
almost.
(i hate it when I'm in emo state. but shit happens.)
For a few weeks now, I haven't had much to say here. School has been keeping me. I get home tired and almost ready to doze off. But right now, I just feel like I have to... I missed my blog. :(
We pulled off the Mixxology party last weekend. A lot of people came that I actually saw the bouncers do their jobs. They blocked people at the entrance. I didnt want to see them use their toned muscles or what they call their "guns" on my batchmates so we had to settle things immediately. It was fun but stressful.. things had to be done and a lot of people to please. But yes, we pulled it off. :) Its over, finally.
Since this weekend, I've been happy for the wrong reasons. Or maybe I just think it's wrong. There are a lot of things I miss. I missed *****. And keeping it away is one of the hardest things to do (but I know I have to).. just having it back makes me feel all giddy.. regardless if that's how I'm supposed to feel. I find myself smiling at random moments. Strange. I like it when I smile though.. these are some of the few times I actually smile, not just for the sake of putting up a happy front. *sigh* But some people have better judgement when it comes to these matters.. and it seems they don't like it's effect on me. Tsk.
Speaking of other people's judgement.. lately, I've been close with a new found friend. He's a good conversationalist. In fact, I've never ever met any guy as insightful as him. I may not be of agreement to everything he says.. but I learn a lot from his opinions and philosphies. It's not everyday that you get to hear the soft spot of men. I've found myself a new "buddy". Believe me, this is purely platonic. The thing however is that when he get's too insightful, it scares me. He seems to have a keen sense of reading people. Somehow I feel like he knows me all too well though he barely knows me. He has just heard a few of my issues and my stories.. much much less than the stuff I've written here in my blog. I didn't know anyone could possibly be capable of that. No one wants to be read. Now Im starting to think that maybe I just let myself out there.. a little too available for people to read, I guess. But thats not how its supposed to be! Is it me? Or does he have some sort of "gift"? WYSIWYG is not my thing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy talking to him. I'm just a bit worried on how I come across to people.
I need some reformatting or something. Oh God help me.
It's pouring outside, which lead me to shift on an emo state. There is just something about the rain. Like in the movies when there is a sudden downpour, it must mean the scene's depressing or something..
Moving on, I've been trying to evaluate the choices I've made for the past few days.. or weeks. I've been heavily distracted and stressed for unapparent reasons. Not even I can point a finger on it. But I realized that most of my recent decisions were rather impulsive. There are things that get the best of me. They just take control, which scares me. I fear that I'm losing the power to judge if the events that come my way are opportunities I should take or are they tests to see how strong I am to keep my feet on the ground. Just last week, our professor gave us some unsolicited advice saying that "you should stick to your ideals, don't ever compromise what you believe in." I wondered, then there would be no room to take risks if that's so. Are the things I've done cases of lapse of judgement? Or was I simply taking risks to see what could possibly be on the other side? Maybe I lost it. Or perhaps I'm still on track.
Confusion gets the best of me. I tend to overthink.
Faith is the only thing I'm holding on to now.
