Posts (page 2)

Gawsh, all i can think of is the heat. I swear, this summer heat is killing me. It's as if the sun's heat can seep through our roof and through the walls. Some people say this is one of the hottest summers the country has ever had. I've been having headaches since last week. I've even turned temperamental. The heat's to blame.

Hawaiian Host

On the "cooler" side of things, Joy, my friend from Hawaii sent me pasalubong! weeee! I got a new purple tank top from AE and a big box of Hawaiian Host Maui Caramacs chocolates! ♥ I love it. They taste so good. Caramel is love. ♥

I want to go to the beach. I really really do.

...someone please take me away...

Ok, so I miss writing some random stuff here in my blog. This almost always happens. I register for a blog, go loco over it for a couple of months, then go hiatus. It's a cycle. Haha. I just proved that it is, 'cause its the nth time this has happened.

Here I am now trying to redeem myself. Give me a break.

My finals week just ended and it literally was hell for me. I broke down after one utterly brain draining exam on business law. I couldn't keep myself composed, my professor bothered me since day one. He's the most arrogant, self-obsessed, know-it-all, heartless freak I've ever met. Not to mention, I have no interest in law.. not a tiny bit. Combine both, and it's like suicide. As soon as I finished shading that last circle on the scannable answer sheet, I rushed out of the room... I found myself walking on my way to the school chapel. The moment I knelt down, I cried my heart out. I felt so tired. I've been in school for four years now.. I just felt so tired. Failing this class is the last thing I need. And my professor is just the exact opposite of the-icing-on-top-of-the-cake thing. There is STILL a miniscule part of me that is HOPING that I pass. By some miracle or what, it could happen.

Anyway I mentioned in my last post that someone has confessed that he liked me. For the past few weeks, he has said the nicest things to me. We've talked a lot on the phone since my line has that unlimited call service. So I can stay as long as I like on my cellphone. He'd buy me cotton candy, sometimes he'd get me ice cream. I know I should melt over chocolates and flowers (should I? haha), but apparently, those small gestures were enough. I guess it doesn't take much to flatter me. Like I said, he'd say the nicest things. I must admit, I've heard most of his words before (from past relationships). But his was just at its sincerest. I know without a doubt that he means what he says.  Once I said to him after he gave me a surprise "Thank you, but this is too much. I really appreciate it though. Thank you." He didn't immediately respond, but he sent me a text message after a few minutes.. "...its never too much when it comes to making you happy cause for the first time in my life I found a person who appreciates even the smallest gestures I make... a person who could make me smile without really trying... someone who gives me hope when I feel like giving up... no.. its never too much.. cause whatever I do I know I'm making someone happy... someone worth making happy.. someone like youÜ" it was really sweet. The good thing is, I do believe him. The other side to it is that...it's not enough. Not anymore. I used to fall as soon as the guy knew how to hit me in the heart.. but this time, I've put up a wall. He's such a good person, and I know he has his best intentions for me. He admitted that this is his first time. Its flattering at the same time it scares me, I dont want to be the person who breaks his heart. That sucks. I don't know. Things just happened way too fast. I think my reflex was to put him on the friend zone. Tsk.

My brother's wedding is coming up in a month or two. I've been doing arrangements for his venue. We found a really nice Church.. it has its historic-spanish-look. Its a Church in Guadalupe and it sort of looks like a mini cathedral. We've been looking for wedding bands too. He just bought the rings early today. By the way, while we were in the jewelry store, my mom was pointing out a pendant to me. She knows I've been looking for a simple cross pendant. Just to keep a reminder of my faith near my heart. And there it was. Next thing I know, my mom got me this diamond studded cross. It was way too expensive but she got it for me as an early graduation gift. =) I'm so happy!! I'm still not over it. I've never seen anything so beautiful. :) I even want to have it blessed. I'd also want to wear it every single day. =) Weee! I'm one happy slob. :) Sadly, I dont have the means to upload pictures.. but I've taken pics of the Church and even my new necklace. :) I want to share how pretty they are. SIgh.

It's already late.. I still have to go to school tomorrow for a meeting. I have to enroll for summer classes too. I'll see if I can update this as often. Btw, I have plans of applying for a summer job. Still working on my resume though. :)

I missed this.

To be continued...

• My brother just told us (my family) last Sunday that he's marrying his girl. She's actually pregnant, but contrary to what most people would think, he's not forced into marrying her because of the child. They've been together for more than 6 years I think. Its just about time. However, one of my parents' concerns is that they'd live here in our house after marriage. That would entail a full-blown change in our lifestyle. We'll have a kid running around.. more people.. I dont know. Our home's pretty much quiet in most days. The home theater's the only thing that makes most of the sounds. We just don't know what to expect.
  
• I'm finally done with my ad campaign. For my Broadcast Advertising class, we were tasked to make tv and radio ads for a particular school. I've spent three days finishing the storyboard on Adobe Photoshop. I havent had sleep. If you just look below my eyes, you can tell how many days I haven't slept like rings on the tree's trunk to tell how old the tree is. Haha. Tomorrow's the big day - the presentation. I hope it turns out okay. *cross fingers*
  
• Earlier today, a friend just confessed to me that he liked me.It surely caught me off guard. But that's as far as I can tell for now.

I got what I had expected. My feared moment came. Days before yesterday, I was hoping and praying that it wouldn't have to come to this.. but it was beyond my control. I tried so hard to be as civil as possible and I think I passed the test. But my friends sensed what was building up inside of me. I tried to put up a front, but my friends saw right through me. So they practically emulated the mixture of angst and hurt I was feeling deep inside. As I said in my last entry, I lost something and its because of a particular girl. Last night at a get-together, she just had to rain on my parade. I hate it that I can't seem to get myself to be mad at the person who brought her there... him.

I know it sounds peculiar that I keep talking about losing something. When in fact, all this is about a certain guy. To clear things, I know I didn't lose HIM (for as long as I still exist in his world, and he exists in mine). I lost, however, a possibility of something good. People would ask, "didn't you guys have a "thing" before?" Its that THING that matters, and I lost it. It could've been something more....................

I thought I was over this whole issue, then I realized that I just got so used to it. I said a month ago that I'd be okay.. my condition though was that "for as long as I'm not reminded of how he hurt me."

Not only was I reminded. I felt it once again.

I wonder how it feels like to face the person whom have caused your loss. You know that person was once threatened s/he'd lose over you, but maybe by some twist of fate or force of nature, s/he won and claimed the "prize". It didn't matter how or why, all that mattered was s/he had it in the end. And when time comes you'd have to face him/her.. that person would go on bragging what s/he got. And perhaps all you can do is sulk over the fact that once it was almost yours...

almost.

(i hate it when I'm in emo state. but shit happens.)

For a few weeks now, I haven't had much to say here. School has been keeping me. I get home tired and almost  ready to doze off. But right now, I just feel like I have to... I missed my blog. :(

We pulled off the Mixxology party last weekend. A lot of people came that I actually saw the bouncers do their jobs. They blocked people at the entrance. I didnt want to see them use their toned muscles or what they call their "guns" on my batchmates so we had to settle things immediately. It was fun but stressful.. things had to be done and a lot of people to please. But yes, we pulled it off. :) Its over, finally.

Since this weekend, I've been happy for the wrong reasons. Or maybe I just think it's wrong. There are a lot of things I miss. I missed *****. And keeping it away is one of the hardest things to do (but I know I have to).. just having it back makes me feel all giddy.. regardless if that's how I'm supposed to feel. I find myself smiling at random moments. Strange. I like it when I smile though.. these are some of the few times I actually smile, not just for the sake of putting up a happy front. *sigh* But some people have better judgement when it comes to these matters.. and it seems they don't like it's effect on me. Tsk.

Speaking of other people's judgement.. lately, I've been close with a new found friend. He's a good conversationalist. In fact, I've never ever met any guy as insightful as him. I may not be of agreement to everything he says.. but I learn a lot from his opinions and philosphies. It's not everyday that you get to hear the soft spot of men. I've found myself a new "buddy". Believe me, this is purely platonic. The thing however is that when he get's too insightful, it scares me. He seems to have a keen sense of reading people. Somehow I feel like he knows me all too well though he barely knows me. He has just heard a few of my issues and my stories.. much much less than the stuff I've written here in my blog. I didn't know anyone could possibly be capable of that. No one wants to be read. Now Im starting to think that maybe I just let myself out there.. a little too available for people to read, I guess. But thats not how its supposed to be! Is it me? Or does he have some sort of "gift"? WYSIWYG is not my thing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy talking to him. I'm just a bit worried on how I come across to people.

I need some reformatting or something. Oh God help me.

It's pouring outside, which lead me to shift on an emo state. There is just something about the rain. Like in the movies when there is a sudden downpour, it must mean the scene's depressing or something..

Moving on, I've been trying to evaluate the choices I've made for the past few days.. or weeks. I've been heavily distracted and stressed for unapparent reasons. Not even I can point a finger on it. But I realized that most of my recent decisions were rather impulsive. There are things that get the best of me. They just take control, which scares me. I fear that I'm losing the power to judge if the events that come my way are opportunities I should take or are they tests to see how strong I am to keep my feet on the ground. Just last week, our professor gave us some unsolicited advice saying that "you should stick to your ideals, don't ever compromise what you believe in." I wondered, then there would be no room to take risks if that's so. Are the things I've done cases of lapse of judgement? Or was I simply taking risks to see what could possibly be on the other side? Maybe I lost it. Or perhaps I'm still on track.

Confusion gets the best of me. I tend to overthink.

Faith is the only thing I'm holding on to now.

I've been loaded with school work for the past few days. I even forgot to greet my brother when I saw him the morning of his birthday. I was finishing a transcript the night before, and I slept almost 5am already. I didn't have enough sleep that time.. and apparently, until now.

I've been dealing with school work for about 4 years now, and its cumbersome. Why in the world did I take a 5-year course?

Thing is, at the end of the day, I feel tired, but at the same time I feel like there's so much more I could've done. I haven't been that productive and yet I feel like I've exhausted all my energy. Weird.

I know there's just more to life that this.

Ugh. On a thinking mode at 4 in the morning.

Why is it that when a guy does something that actually means a lot to the girl...

it's when he doesnt mean it at all?

He makes you feel something, just for the sake of making you feel good. And at the end of day, you'll just figure out it was all EMPTY.

Just nothing.. void of meaning.