14 posts tagged “drama”

We all try to make a world of our own. It could be just temporary, depending on what we'd like to believe. When we make a decision.. we lay out the expected result of making such decision.. and do it as if everything lies in our hands. We do things and we take risks believing it'll end up the way we want it to (which by the way defeats the purpose of taking a "risk") Thus, we think we've created a world we have control of. We do things our way. And against all odds, we live in that world.... that is, until it breaks, and we snap back to this much much bigger world.. and soon, reality bites us in the ass.

I don't even know if I made any sense. It's just that sometimes we do things that we know may hurt us in the end yet we take that big leap of faith to prove the world wrong. Because in the "world" we've created for ourselves, what we've laid out is possible. We walk blindly, we cover our ears, we refuse to absorb any negativity because we believe our world exists. Soon enough, we'll come to realize that what surrounds us matters. How we live our world affects the people around us as well as our relationships, those that actually belong to the "real world". We can't just live selfishly. Sooner or later, the world we've created no longer exists. What hurts is when it happens at the most unexpected time.

I'm going in circles here. It's just that I made my own world in the past months. Now it's gone. A world no one knew about. (Don't ask.) I didn't even think it was another world until I lost it. I've finally come to realize that it was bound to end. I cant believe it took me a long time to have that epiphany. I got so caught up living it that I took for granted my life in the real one.

One thing holds true for me now....
We can never have the best of both worlds.
Because there is just one.

The one we do not create.

I know I haven't blogged for quite sometime. I will soon. Anyway, this is a favor for a very close friend... I just need to post this. She's been bad. We're hoping that this might reach him.....

She writes:

Tonight I try to keep my eyes shut
But tears just keep on flowing.
I'm like a river with no sea,
Clueless of where I'm going.

I fear what tomorrow brings
Will I still see the light of day?
I'm drowning in this misery
Do you ever wonder if I'm okay?

How does everything end
Faster than a blink of an eye?
I didn't even get the chance
To hold you, touch you, ask why

Please help me comprehend
Why I walk alone this one way road
This should've been me and you
But now you treat me so cold

Give me just a little of your time
To get you back, I won't dare try
My heart just needs reasons
To have the strength to say goodbye.

I hope you find time to talk to her.

Well, things have been seemingly dramatic these past few days. There has been a lot of mixed emotions coming from different people and it has been affecting me. So far, I've settled things.. well, a conversation can do a lot. I was able to talk to my best friend last night.. whom I haven't talked to for the longest time. We did a little catching up, and a lot of serious talk. I missed those times. We've had our fair share of problems and issues for the past couple of months. Some we've survived, some unresolved. I was also able to talk to someone I've recently hurt, not intentionally. Things are (I think) settled and now we're good. I think I'm at peace.. no, I'm getting there..

So today is one of those "okay" days. I'm just anxious about tomorrow. They'll be releasing our grades. My law class is in danger.. grave danger. More like, I am in grave danger if I flunk.

I'm down on my knees begging that I pass. Please.

I got what I had expected. My feared moment came. Days before yesterday, I was hoping and praying that it wouldn't have to come to this.. but it was beyond my control. I tried so hard to be as civil as possible and I think I passed the test. But my friends sensed what was building up inside of me. I tried to put up a front, but my friends saw right through me. So they practically emulated the mixture of angst and hurt I was feeling deep inside. As I said in my last entry, I lost something and its because of a particular girl. Last night at a get-together, she just had to rain on my parade. I hate it that I can't seem to get myself to be mad at the person who brought her there... him.

I know it sounds peculiar that I keep talking about losing something. When in fact, all this is about a certain guy. To clear things, I know I didn't lose HIM (for as long as I still exist in his world, and he exists in mine). I lost, however, a possibility of something good. People would ask, "didn't you guys have a "thing" before?" Its that THING that matters, and I lost it. It could've been something more....................

I thought I was over this whole issue, then I realized that I just got so used to it. I said a month ago that I'd be okay.. my condition though was that "for as long as I'm not reminded of how he hurt me."

Not only was I reminded. I felt it once again.

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, loving without being loved back is the best thing to do because feeling so much pain, I learn to heal; knowing so much fear, I learn to stand up for anything; carrying so much sadness, I learn to glorify in joy.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we're always learning, discovering and growing.

This is an excerpt from my besh's blog entitled "Falling in Love.. is it worth it?". I'm not sure if he wrote it or got it somewhere else. I'm quoting him any way.Here's another excerpt from his entry "On letting go..."

Sometimes in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words, for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man whom loves you more. The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in veering it.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last for a lifetime.

These are pretty much self-explanatory. I chose only a few parts.. They're beautiful. I am at a loss of words to blog my own thoughts. I think most people who have loved would be able to relate to these.. I do.

Once again, all the drama is getting the best of me.

Click on this for more of my besh's blog.

Earlier today, I went to visit my bestfriend at his place. I meant to surprise him but I had to be sure he was home so I texted him anyway. He said I could go to his house. When I was almost at his place, I stopped and made a U-turn... It was lunch and I thought of buying him some food. I stopped over at Jollibee then I head back to his place. When I got to his house, I tried calling him.. no answer. So I rang the doorbell and his maid came out saying he wasn't there. I felt bad that he didnt mention that he was somewhere else. A few minutes after I left, he called saying sorry... I felt bad but his apology was consolation enough. I miss that guy already. We havent talked or seen each other for quite some time now. There's always a next time anyway...

On one hand, I've been terribly missing someone for the past few weeks. Its the worst kind of "missing someone" I've felt so far. Describing the feeling is hard as it is. This time, I feel like I'm in some sort of battle... problem is, my opponent is myself. How do I win then?

It has been months since my last entry. I can't seem to get myself to update my blogs regularly or as often as I want to. Sometimes I just dont know what to say, often I dont have time, or sometimes I get too negative, and sometimes my ideas are just not for sharing at all. In life, we try to put this front wherein we're all giddy and happy but most of us (if not all) have an alter ego that's either crushed or confused. I dont really like blogging about my sad or negative thoughts. Its just that when time comes that I'd re-read my entries, I dont want to end up thinking how bad my days went or something like that. Nevertheless, I find it easier to vent out when something bad happens. Dont we all do that? At times, the things that keep us happy are the the ones we want to keep to ourselves. We all have this selfish side I guess.. Or at least I do.

So for the past few weeks (or months), I haven't been that open. Lately, I've been just busy trying to be a friend someone very dear to me - Elaine. Other than that, I just try to ignore (or deny) other issues. My dad was a big thing last month. I had this part of me that wanted to rebel (Dont worry, I did not). I just felt like I'm being controlled a lot. I dont like the idea of living my life for someone else.. except God. Thanks to the power of prayer, I got to compose myself. There has been no resolve but I've been working on my patience. On one hand, my heart has been an issue too for the past few weeks. The last time I allowed myself to be open to someone, I ended up with a terrible heartache. My friends would constantly remind me of how better off I am without "this" guy. I understand them, really. I've reminded myself the same. But how do we tell ourselves not to care anymore? or love, for that matter? These are the sort of things that dont go overnight. Wounds have been healed, but scars do remain.

Being on a hiatus has its benefits.. I get to sulk in my own misery. haha, that sounded too sad. Well, we all do that anyway. We try to self-heal or something. Its all about taking our time to appreciate other aspects of life. I know this whole entry has been quite depressing, but, really, I'm doing okay. Right now, I'm just all focused in finishing school and being a friend. In terms of the heart, It's once again guarded.

I'm having a migraine right now.. I've been doing a lot of thinking earlier today. Apparently, it hasn't done me any good.

I think that life is just trying to balance everything out. Something makes you happy, and at some point its going to make you feel otherwise. Then you just have to deal with it. The important thing is... it made you happy. right? It's just hard when doing what makes you happy means being wrong.. thats when you get all torn up. Being in this position just beats all the migraines.

Agh, I'm getting all emo now.. I'm not often like this is in person, but this is what blogs are for. Or maybe I could use a "talk" with someone.. maybe tomorrow. There's just so much to tell.

Btw, I almost lost my puppy today. =( it had something to do with her digestive thingy.. but she's better now. My mom rushed her to the vet. She's a bit weak now, but still alive.. and still loved. She's my little joy.. I don't want to lose that.

I've had encounters with 3 guys today. I never faced anything like this in just one day.

• My crush. I had lunch with my crush today. He would normally just hang out at some other place and be with his other friends but I think my friend invited him for lunch. My friend knows I like this guy.. And yes, he did eat with us. Too bad he had to hear me rant about the next guy...
  
• My guy bestfriend. My bestfriend visited me unexpectedly with his new girl. As I said in one of my previous blog entries, I wasn't quite ready for this "meeting." I haven't talked to him seriously since before summer.. and he suddenly showed up with his girl. It felt really awkward. And I think I made the girl feel very uncomfortable. I'm sorry about that. It was just really unexpected and I wasn't prepared for it. But we sort of tried to patch things up a while ago when he came back w/o teh girl. I can say we're a bit better now.
• My boy friend. No, no, no. Not my boyfriend per se. He's the guy I was seeing during the summer. Sadly, he got back together with his ex girlfriend last month. *OUCH* But, we're friends now.. I think. Well, for the past few days we've been hanging out quite often. I know, I know. I seem to be the 3rd party here. I'm pretty much aware of that. I'm feeling a guilty about this but I can somehow justify myself. It's actually more complicated than you think. Anyway, today he held my hand (again). It felt different. He confuses me. I'm getting all the mixed signals, but I'm not complaining. As usual, I'm just happy with what I have with him right now. (Please dont judge.)

To my bestfriend, I'm truly sorry if I have affected your relationship with the way I've acted earller today. But you guys caught me by surprise, If we were to do it all again, I guess I would've acted the same way. Try to understand that some things have changed  over the past few months. okay? I am sincerely happy for both of you. and I'm serious. I love you both.