4 posts tagged “failure”

And so I failed. Not that I'm proud of it.. but it's the freakin' reality. Thanks to those who sent me good vibes and wished me luck. I really appreciate it. Anyway, I needed THREE POINTS to pass. My professor didn't want to give me any chance. Sheesh.

I'm going back to school tomorrow to ask beg for reconsideration.

Lord, please give him the heart.. I'm human, I make mistakes..

I hate business law. Actually, I hate the law.

Err.. I hate grades.

Ok, so I miss writing some random stuff here in my blog. This almost always happens. I register for a blog, go loco over it for a couple of months, then go hiatus. It's a cycle. Haha. I just proved that it is, 'cause its the nth time this has happened.

Here I am now trying to redeem myself. Give me a break.

My finals week just ended and it literally was hell for me. I broke down after one utterly brain draining exam on business law. I couldn't keep myself composed, my professor bothered me since day one. He's the most arrogant, self-obsessed, know-it-all, heartless freak I've ever met. Not to mention, I have no interest in law.. not a tiny bit. Combine both, and it's like suicide. As soon as I finished shading that last circle on the scannable answer sheet, I rushed out of the room... I found myself walking on my way to the school chapel. The moment I knelt down, I cried my heart out. I felt so tired. I've been in school for four years now.. I just felt so tired. Failing this class is the last thing I need. And my professor is just the exact opposite of the-icing-on-top-of-the-cake thing. There is STILL a miniscule part of me that is HOPING that I pass. By some miracle or what, it could happen.

Anyway I mentioned in my last post that someone has confessed that he liked me. For the past few weeks, he has said the nicest things to me. We've talked a lot on the phone since my line has that unlimited call service. So I can stay as long as I like on my cellphone. He'd buy me cotton candy, sometimes he'd get me ice cream. I know I should melt over chocolates and flowers (should I? haha), but apparently, those small gestures were enough. I guess it doesn't take much to flatter me. Like I said, he'd say the nicest things. I must admit, I've heard most of his words before (from past relationships). But his was just at its sincerest. I know without a doubt that he means what he says.  Once I said to him after he gave me a surprise "Thank you, but this is too much. I really appreciate it though. Thank you." He didn't immediately respond, but he sent me a text message after a few minutes.. "...its never too much when it comes to making you happy cause for the first time in my life I found a person who appreciates even the smallest gestures I make... a person who could make me smile without really trying... someone who gives me hope when I feel like giving up... no.. its never too much.. cause whatever I do I know I'm making someone happy... someone worth making happy.. someone like youÜ" it was really sweet. The good thing is, I do believe him. The other side to it is that...it's not enough. Not anymore. I used to fall as soon as the guy knew how to hit me in the heart.. but this time, I've put up a wall. He's such a good person, and I know he has his best intentions for me. He admitted that this is his first time. Its flattering at the same time it scares me, I dont want to be the person who breaks his heart. That sucks. I don't know. Things just happened way too fast. I think my reflex was to put him on the friend zone. Tsk.

My brother's wedding is coming up in a month or two. I've been doing arrangements for his venue. We found a really nice Church.. it has its historic-spanish-look. Its a Church in Guadalupe and it sort of looks like a mini cathedral. We've been looking for wedding bands too. He just bought the rings early today. By the way, while we were in the jewelry store, my mom was pointing out a pendant to me. She knows I've been looking for a simple cross pendant. Just to keep a reminder of my faith near my heart. And there it was. Next thing I know, my mom got me this diamond studded cross. It was way too expensive but she got it for me as an early graduation gift. =) I'm so happy!! I'm still not over it. I've never seen anything so beautiful. :) I even want to have it blessed. I'd also want to wear it every single day. =) Weee! I'm one happy slob. :) Sadly, I dont have the means to upload pictures.. but I've taken pics of the Church and even my new necklace. :) I want to share how pretty they are. SIgh.

It's already late.. I still have to go to school tomorrow for a meeting. I have to enroll for summer classes too. I'll see if I can update this as often. Btw, I have plans of applying for a summer job. Still working on my resume though. :)

I missed this.

To be continued...

If I were to choose what superhero power I'd want to have.. I want to be invisible.

Oh wait.. I AM INVISIBLE. =/

No, I haven't gone crazy. It's just that I saw this guy in school yesterday (the one i've been talking about). As I said in my past post, I'm sort of confused on how I should be around him. I say one thing, but I feel another. Anyway, before I left, he talked to my friend for awhile.. I stood by just so I could say "bye" and "merry christmas".. but he completely ignored me. I looked him in the eye.. yet, he didnt look at me at all.. not even a glance. So am I invisible now? I was just infront of him. I just dont get why he did that. I know I'm trying to get over this whole thing, but I really wanted to give him a hug yesterday. I wanted peace of mind this Christmas.. I guess he has his. I was trying to control my tears. I pretty much did until I got back inside school. I wish things wouldn't end this way... no wait, I wish things just didn't have to end. period.

The icing-on-top-of-my-cake yesterday was that I failed my taxation class. I've been ranting about how I hated being in that class and this is what I get. Ugh, I hate it all the more. I have to repeat that 3-unit income and business taxation class. I feel bad wasting my parent's money. I could've passed if I had a better professor.. a kind-hearted one. I did learn a lot but she seriously enjoys it when none of us gets the right answers in her quizzes. Only 5 people passed in my class, we were i think around 23 students. :( I've accepted the 0.0 in my card, there was nothing I could have done anyway. I'm taking it again next term with a different professor. It's sweeter the second time around, right? Sheesh.

I met Kenna yesterday. She gave me a CD. I felt guilty having nothing in exchange. I owe her. When I listened to the Santa Baby CD on my way home.. it sort of got me away from all the pressures of the day. It was jazzy and Christmas-y. ♥ When we were texting about how I failed my subject, she said "I really dont know what to say"... but really, the CD was more than enough. :) Thanks Kenna, and CONGRATS!

My dad is going to kill me soon. He got home yesterday with a gift for me, I thanked him then went inside my room. I just felt even more guilty having failed. I locked up so he wouldn't have to see my grades (that's the reason why I wasnt able to blog yesterday). If my dad had a pet peeve, it would be failure. Seriously. So when I woke up this morning, my mom told me that my dad already knows. Okay... so there, consider me dead.