14 posts tagged “love”
I think that last blog of mine was last year. I'm way much better now I must say. Still a little miserable but okay. We all get a liitle bit miserable once in a while right?
I graduated last month.. CONGRATULATIONS to me! =) It's such an achievement, especially after 5 long years. Its finally paid off actually...
I have work now. I've been working for the past 3 months. And unlike some "working" people I know, I enjoy what I do. I'm the events officer for ETC. I've been handling the channel's events and monthly movie premieres. So when it comes to my career.. it does seem like I'm on the right path. The road has to split somewhere.. but at the moment, it's not something I'm looking forward to.
What else have happened to me... hmmm... I'm in a relationship right now. Quite complicated but working on it. We've been together for a couple of months and the past months have been really good. Its not called the "honeymoon stage" for nothing. But yeah, it comes to the point when the relationship gets a little rough 'round the edges. Its not exactly perfect, but I'm hanging on.
I miss blogging. Just ranting on stuff happening in my life.. I'll do my very best to make this work again. It just that my job's taking up most of my time. BUT.. I'm not complaining. *wink*
So there, just a little update. =)
Its holy week and its perfect time to reflect and of course doze off a bit.. which I'm going to do right about now...
I know I haven't blogged for quite sometime. I will soon. Anyway, this is a favor for a very close friend... I just need to post this. She's been bad. We're hoping that this might reach him.....
She writes:
Tonight I try to keep my eyes shut
But tears just keep on flowing.
I'm like a river with no sea,
Clueless of where I'm going.I fear what tomorrow brings
Will I still see the light of day?
I'm drowning in this misery
Do you ever wonder if I'm okay?How does everything end
Faster than a blink of an eye?
I didn't even get the chance
To hold you, touch you, ask whyPlease help me comprehend
Why I walk alone this one way road
This should've been me and you
But now you treat me so coldGive me just a little of your time
To get you back, I won't dare try
My heart just needs reasons
To have the strength to say goodbye.
I hope you find time to talk to her.
I wonder how it feels like to face the person whom have caused your loss. You know that person was once threatened s/he'd lose over you, but maybe by some twist of fate or force of nature, s/he won and claimed the "prize". It didn't matter how or why, all that mattered was s/he had it in the end. And when time comes you'd have to face him/her.. that person would go on bragging what s/he got. And perhaps all you can do is sulk over the fact that once it was almost yours...
almost.
(i hate it when I'm in emo state. but shit happens.)
Eversince this year started, I've been dreading Valentines Day. The absence of anyone special to share it with while others take joy in spending the night with dates, gifts, and sweets has been the thought that has lingered in my head all this time. I entered the school campus and with every few steps I took I'd bump onto someone with a bouquet of flowers. Every so often, I'd see guys trying to find the girls they'd give their flowers to, and girls stamped with cheesy smiles while they hold on to roses and tulips. And once in a while, I'd also see girls rolling their eyes as they see those mushy people... and I soon find myself being one of them.
Bitter as it may seem, its not for me to celebrate. My friends would say today is actually Singles Awareness Day. But for me, it had been each passing day since God knows when. I have nothing to be aware of. I am pretty much reminded of my "singleness" as often as men think about sex. Haha, I just don't need this day. I know I will.. just not today.
I know I sound all pessimistic, but surprisingly, my day went well except for the parts where I was amidst all the cheesiness, and when I took a quiz in my law class. Nonetheless, I did good stuff today. And there were friends who gave me some lovin'. So today is like any ordinary day with a little love and surprises.
Looking on the bright side:
- I did a huge favor for a friend today. He badly needed his external hard drive which he left at home, it was for his project due today, so I drove up to his place to pick it up and bring it to school. He was truly grateful and it made me feel really good despite ofcourse the pressures of the day. He even texted me saying that it has been a happy day for him.. and added "thanks to you" :)
- When I got to school, the first person I saw was the guy I've
been ranting about for the past few months. The irony of having him
there on this very day. Sheesh. But, he gave me an unexpected hug...
and a few more. We haven't had any physical contact since December. So
I was surprised but happy. I used to go all dramatic and confused when
things went that way, but today was way more than okay. I've got rid of
the bitterness, but of course little crumbs got left behind. Hah. Well,
it didnt bother me anymore. I didnt care if he was going to spend the
night with another girl, I seriously thought I would. Moved on, I
guess. :) Yay for me!
-
Ina, a good friend of mine, got me and elaine cupcakes for Valentines! :) It was a sweet gesture. We just became closer these past few months and she's been very thoughtful since. She's the type of friend you ought to keep til you grow old. :) Love ya ins!
- When I got home, my dad got me a gift! Weeee! :) He got me 2 tops
from Folded and Hung, a local brand. I love the shirts! He got me a
black collared shirt with pink and green stripes and a V-neck pink
shirt. :) Its the first time he actually gave me a gift for the hearts
day. There is indeed a first time for everything. :P Needless to say, I
love my dad.♥
- Can I just add, that yesterday, I learned how to breakdance a bit. haha! ..the "uprock" and "babyfreeze" moves. It's pretty cool.. :) Some dancers came to our school to give lessons on basic breakdancing.. I watched them and I have to admit, it got me practicing afterwards.. :P
Though having no special person today is such a bummer, I'm proud to say I got out of it alive. I'm a survivor. No breakdowns, no tears, no nothing. Just me, friends, family and of course God. ♥ For now, they just keep me alive. I still wish that someone would come along.. hopefully, next year would be different...
But for tonight.. sad to say, I have to prepare my presentation for tomorrow. While others are out on their respective dates, I am here doing school work.
Loser.
But loved. ♥
My first relationship was when I was really young. I think I was just a highschool freshman. I wouldn't consider that relationship as nothing just because I was too young though. At that time, it was definitely "something" to me. I loved him the best way I could. It was as innocent and sincere as it could get. But my lack of understanding of the way love worked made the relationship fade eventually. I was too young to make it work, I guess. I think it took me more than 3 years to get over him. Hence, he was still my date in my junior prom. ♥ He was trying to win me back even 3 years has passed, but for so many reasons, I couldn't. (One reason was my parents' blessing. T'was a big deal.)
So I'm a college senior now, and I haven't seen this guy for years. Today I got an unexpected text message from him, which lead to a conversation. :)
Guy: I was cleaning my room when I came across a bottle of clinique happy... it instantly reminded me of you... just sharing.
Me: Awww.Ü I saw my prom pic last week while was fixing my room too.. Hehe Ü
Guy: I look horrible in that pic!
Me: Of course not!
Guy: Wish we could have another chance to dress up for something like that... =)
Me: gown and suits??Ü luckie's debut maybe? or some formal event..Ü anyway, hows work? you busy?
Guy: Not anymore.. I resigned thinking I could go back to school, however, due to insufficent funds.. well, you get the picture. i'm looking for another job now..
Me: Weren't you able to save? sayang naman. I might get a part time call center job this summer.Ü why dont you get a 2-year course? or maybe a student loan? Sorry if i'm boring you with all the serious stuff. :P
Guy: That's what i need right now, serious stuff... Ü
Me: Haha.. good.Ü how have you been?
Guy: Still the same.. heartbroken and nothing to do... I got to be workaholic for a whole year, now i'm home cleaning my car...
Me: If i weren't in school, i'd be just the same as you.. heartbroken, nothing to do, and cleaning my car. :P So i'm also planning to get a job..Ü
Guy: We really should get together sometime... Maybe i'd get to clean your car.. Ü Hehehehe!Ü
Guy: Your parents never home?
Me: My dad's out during the day.. my mom leaves sometimes. Ü I might have my car washed tom..Ü we should have coffee some time..
Guy: coffee would be nice.. I might be managing the laundry shop while I'm looking for work.. maybe we can meet up somewhere in Taft some time...
Me: Sure, just let me know when. :) i'll text you later, i'm in class right now. Ü enjoy cleaning your car!
Guy: Have fun in class!Ü see you!
He also texted me last New year's eve.. he just greeted me and said that he had missed me and that we should hang out soon. :) sheeesh, should I go back that road again?? Hmm. why not. tsk, I don't really know. Maybe dating again would be good.. but with a "past"? I'll see how the coffee date turns out. :)
Honestly though, his messages made me smile.. blush even. ♥
I love you all. ♥
I especially liked this conversation:
Think about it. ♥Michael: I love her, Stephen. I realize how I love her more than I will ever love anybody else.
Stephen: Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing.
Micheal: But it's true.
Stephen: It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts.
How ironic..
We're given so many options, but we choose one.
We're given so many reasons to hate, but we still love.
*deep sigh* After I typed those two statements, I've been staring
blankly on the blinking cursor. My mind is wandering. 40 minutes has
passed... and still, nothing. I feel like crying, but I can't. :,( I'll
blog about it next time.. I'm so far away.. Take me back, please.
I hate the way I don't hate YOU... not even close.. not even a little bit.. not even at all. :(
-an excerpt from 10 Things I Hate About You
In relation to the film, it's nice to know that people can change in the name of Love. It gives me a sense of hope. I've been in and out of relationships, it hasn't been all good. I want to change that... so this one's a start...
I'm giving up on someone now. It has gone as far as it could, and I dont think it will go anywhere beyond what we have. He has someone now (his ex), and I made the mistake of believing we had a chance. The risk was taken, and I don't regret that. Since then, I've been finding it hard to be friends with him. Every minute I spend with him are the times I miss him more. It's just the worst feeling, believe me. Ironically, I'm not hurting because he's not with me.. but because he's still in me. I just can't get him out of my system. I thought things would change, I thought he would. This time though, I'm making a choice, and that's to stop. It's not that I can't go on, it's just that it would be best not to. And that is not for my selfish reasons, it's good for both of us. He has his girl, and I have to stop hurting. Lately, he's been saying the wrong things, it hurts me.. so this time, I'm taking control. I don't want things to end on a bad note. He makes me happy, I can't deny that.. but that is as far as it should go. I will just try to stay away, not because I'm angry, its just that I want to help myself. I hope that's not too hard to understand. I have nothing against him, not yet. That's why I'm doing this. I really hope this wouldn't take too long... :(
For all it's worth... being with him was a walk to remember ♥ Thank you, mikko.
